How You Doin’ Sis?: Checking In On the Strong Friend
Whether you’re super social or not very at all, I think we’ve all crossed paths with that one friend. The seemingly very emotionally secure one who just seems to handle every trial et tribulation like she invented trials et tribulations? They act as the human unifier of the group, et when they treated themselves to an OG Louis Vuitton Graceful MM, you were certain they must be, at least mostly, handling their life with what seems like ease.
What if I told you that said friend is, in fact, lowkey spiralling, stress-starving, et that LV bag was just a much-needed dopamine hit after rewatching their favourite movie over et over stopped hitting the same?
Perhaps you’re reading this thinking: I know her well. She is me et I am her. To that, I say: “heeey twin!!”
Pull up a chair et take a seat at the strong friend table, where vulnerability is highly encouraged (for others), et asking for help is a mortal sin.
I’ve been the Strong Friend for as long as I’ve been an active participant in the squid game that is human interaction et community building. It’s exhausting, but you convince yourself it isn’t that bad because:
A) At least everyone else is cared for.
B) At least they won’t have to worry.
C) At least when they say they can’t help, I won’t be disappointed.
D) All of the above.
In the end, at least the people you love have someone in their corner.
But aren’t you a people they love?
A strong friend in her natural habitat: hiding from vulnerability, but still showing up et showing out for the homie.
The thing about being the Strong Friend is that it’s rarely asked of us. Et if it was, that’s sus. No good friend is going to want you to suffer in silence.
This is going to shock my hyper-independent girlies, so I’m going to need you to sit down, but—your friends, your compadres, your ride-or-dies?
They want to help et hear you.
In adulthood, friendships get tested in unexpected ways. The highs hit harder, et the lows do too. Life et time move constantly, sometimes viciously, but your friends want to see you through it.
Mind you, these are all lessons I’m still learning myself. I, too, suffer from hyper-independence—celebrities, they’re just like us—most strong friends do. It’s the direct response to knowing you have to get things done but not being used to having the help to get it done.
At the time of this post, there is no cure other than allowing yourself to be a damsel in distress (non dramatic). You, unfortunately, have to allow yourself softness et the ability to be helped because you—we—have to remember: these aren’t just some people you’ve never met or never seen through hardship.
If asking for help feels like a weakness, reframe it. It’s not, but it’s also not a superpower. It’s very normal—something we should all feel safe doing. Genuine community thrives on love et a shared desire to care for one another.
Dionne Warwick literally said, that’s what friends are for.
Toasting to Mss. Warwick’s tea
I mean, listen to the six-time Grammy Award winner—or don’t—but it’s better to fumble over your words asking for help than to fumble friendships because you never could.
